Well, yeah. But what I'm really looking to do with Film Verdicts is explore the back alleys of Hollywood and take the paths less traveled through cinematic wastelands, like Mad Max with an all-region DVD player. In other words, I want to clue you in on movies you may never have heard of. Movies that you can read about and marvel at the fact that, yes, these films really do exist.
In the small circles where these movies are known, the vast majority have the reputation of being vile, festering heaps of suck. Usually, this reputation is well deserved. But not always. I want to help you find the diamonds in the rough. But as you probably know, you have to go through tons of dirt before you find a diamond.
I used to run a similar site called Uzifish.com - back when silly one word names that had nothing to do with your site were all the rage online - and some of my reviews originally appeared there in slightly different form. So if anything here looks familiar to you, don't worry. I'm stealing from myself.
My reviews are split into three sections: the charge, the evidence and the verdict.
THE CHARGE: Sometimes this is where I insert my preconceived notion of the movie: what I've heard about it and what I'm expecting to see. I think a review gains more credence if you know what the reviewer's expectations were before seeing the film. But most of the time, I just try to make up something funny that sounds vaguely legal but usually comes out sounding stupid.
THE EVIDENCE: This is the main body of the review. I give you a brief recap of most of the movie, trying not to give away the ending or any important spoilers. I'll also provide my general thoughts on the quality of the movie and on what particular things, good or bad, managed to catch my attention. I'll always try to throw in a screencap or two because books without pictures suck, and web sites without pictures suck even worse.
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| His book actually has pictures, but they're all of dead clowns. |
THE VERDICT: This is where I declare a movie GUILTY or NOT GUILTY. In a nutshell, a GUILTY movie is bad and a NOT GUILTY movie is good. I'll also include a brief closing statement to sum up how I came to my decision.
If you disagree with my conclusions, you can feel free to post a rebuttal or ask for a retrial in the comments section underneath each review. Or if you agree with me, you can comment on how remarkably intelligent I am. I'll try to keep the comments open to everyone but I reserve the right to moderate them at any time to remove spam or any posts that are indecent or deliberately provocative.
I post new reviews at least three times a week: every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. On slow weeks, I'll occasionally I'll throw in a bonus review so keep checking the site for updates.
I hope you enjoy this peek into films that have slipped through the cracks of cinematic history.
- Judge Hammer
