Girly

Director: Freddie Francis
Year released: 1970

THE CHARGE: Contributing to the delinquency of a minor by forcing her to interact with manic scenery-chewing thespians.

THE EVIDENCE: Girly lives with Mumsy, Sonny and Nanny in a large estate in the English countryside. Girly and Sonny love to play games and sometimes invite new friends to their home for play dates. These friends become part of the family and if they break any of the family's rules or try to run away, Mumsy gets very cross indeed.

It sounds like the basis for a twisted slasher flick, an expectation cemented by Girly's lurid cover art featuring the title character holding an axe while sitting next to a severed head. But in truth, there's not one severed head, arm, leg or other body part to be found in the movie. There are a couple of implied decapitations, but neither the act itself nor its after effects are ever witnessed. In fact, Girly isn't really a horror flick at all. It's a dark comedy with strong sexual undertones; a deviant mash-up of The Addams Family with Lady Chatterley's Lover.

You see, Girly and Sonny are apparently in their late teens or early twenties but act like grade schoolers, singing nursery rhymes and playing Cowboys and Indians. Yet Girly is quite aware of her burgeoning sexuality, using it to lure older gentlemen to their home where Mumsy and Nanny (two biddies reminiscent of the pleasantly homicidal aunts from Arsenic & Old Lace) introduce them to the rules of the family. These gentlemen always want to play with Girly, but Mumsy sometimes insists they play with her instead. Sonny and Nanny are, presumably, left to play with themselves.

Who wore it better?

Eventually, one man gets Girly alone and... how can I put this gently... introduces her to womanhood? Brings her flower to full bloom? Boinks the stuffing out of her? Take your pick, any will do. Girly immediately takes a shine to this fellow (go figure) and wants him to stick around rather than, in the film's parlance, "go to the angels" like the others before. Sonny becomes jealous of Girly's new friend. Mumsy becomes jealous of Girly. Nanny becomes jealous of Mumsy. Let the bodies hit the floor.

As bizarre as the story gets, it gets there in the gentlest manner possible. There are perhaps three drops of blood visible in the entire movie and no nudity. All the sex and violence is implied, except for one person who takes a bloodless arrow to the torso. Girly is rated R, but I can't for the life of me see the reason why. This is PG stuff at worst.

Rated R for random acts of gardening.

But that's not to say it isn't good. The estate is a beautiful setting for the film, the cinematography is lush, the whimsical score kept me chuckling and the actors all have great fun with their roles, with two standing out in particular. Vanessa Howard as Girly finds the perfect balance between confused girl and scheming seductress, keeping it on just the right side of creepy. And Patricia Heywood's demented and easily offended Nanny may well have inspired Patsy Byrne's performance as the Queen's nanny in series 2 of the riotously funny Black Adder.

On the down side, the story suffers from too many loose threads and gaps in logic. It's not clear if the family is actually related or just a group of psychos playing family roles. The latter is implied but never really explained. There appears to be some sexual tension between Girly and Sonny at the start of the movie but it’s never explored further; Sonny's jealousy later on is simply due to Girly spending less time with him. And how do four people keep anyone from escaping a sprawling estate covering acres of land with nary a guard dog nor strip of barbed wire in sight?

Despite its flaws, Girly is an entertaining film to watch if only for the madcap performances of everyone involved. Just don’t expect to see the movie implied by the cover art.


THE VERDICT: Girly is found NOT GUILTY of child endangerment but some serious family counseling is strongly recommended.